I know this is not nature, but my mum recommended I put this story on here, before I send it to a publisher. If you have any feedback, then please tell me! Enjoy!

64 Connor Road –

Book one- The Pompous Pug

By Laura Silver


Parents don’t let you have everything you want. Don’t ask me why, it’s just the way it works. Some parents spoil their children and give them everything they want. That is what’s called Bad Parenting. Pets are a whole new level though. Some parents think it’s good to get you a smaller pet, like fish, or a hamster, some think it’s good to have a bigger pet like a cat or dog, while some think it’s a bad idea to get any at all. The family you will meet today goes on an interesting journey regarding pets. But for now, sit back, relax and enjoy reading!

Chapter one – The Biscuits

Yes, you heard it right. This family’s surname is Biscuit. Not because they love biscuits, but Mr Biscuit’s dad did. He didn’t simply like them. He devoured whole packets daily! So, when he met Mr Biscuit’s mum, (Who actually didn’t like biscuits, but would do anything to please her new husband) they agreed to change their surname to “Biscuit.” The Biscuit children, Charles and Iris, loved their surname, but Mr and Mrs Biscuit found it highly embarrassing. I am very sorry to go into so much detail about the history of the surname “Biscuit”. Let’s just move on.

Anyway, the Biscuits lived ordinary lives, and the adults had ordinary jobs. Mr Biscuit worked in an office, but he wasn’t very good. Mrs Biscuit was a shelf stacker at their local grocery store. SHE HATED IT! “My day was SO dull” she’d say every day after work. Charles was quite tall for his age (10) had blond hair and green eyes. Charles loved technology. He was fascinated by it. Iris, however, was just the opposite. She was small for her age (8) with brown hair and blue eyes. She loved to create art. What Charles and Iris wanted most of all was… a dog. But Mr and Mrs Biscuit said no, no, no! Every time! Everyone was getting annoyed. Mr and Mrs Biscuit said that they wouldn’t get sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo annoyed if the children stopped nagging them 10 TIMES A DAY, PRECICELY! Iris and Charles said they wouldn’t get sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo annoyed if their parents gave them a dog. Here is what happens every day after school at 64 Connor Road.

“Can we have a dog? Can we have a dog? Can we have a dog? Can we have a dog? Can we have a dog? Can we have a dog? Can we have a dog? Can we have a dog? Can we have a dog? Pleeease can we have a dog?” See, ten times.  EVERY SINGLE DAY!

at dinner time one day, Charles asked “Mum, why can’t we have a dog?”

Your mum and dad, I am guessing, have said this about 100 times too. The plain and simple “Because we’ve said so”. I expect you (like Charles and Iris) would have been greatly annoyed, because that’s not a proper answer to a question. “It would be too much work” would be a proper answer. “It’s too expensive” is a satisfactory answer. See what I mean? Charles and Iris do. I am sure that you know the frustration of asking your parents something and they respond with a plain and simple “no, sorry”. That was what it was like for the Biscuits. Then it got worse and worse. The children’s life at school was just as bad. Iris and Charles told the other children: “You will be our best friends if you give us a dog.” They got into lots of trouble which is understandable.  They frequently got detention, because all the other children were fed up of being nagged. But, one day everything changed. Well, it took a few days…

Chapter two – Surprise, Surprise…

If you were to read the name of this chapter (which you probably have) you would think it would be a nice surprise like a pretty little colouring book with pencils. Well, in a way, you are right. But in a way you aren’t. At first this was an absolutely LOVELY, MAREVELOUS surprise, but remember: Don’t judge a book by its cover…. (That reminds me, I need to design the cover)

“I can’t believe we got EXTRA HOMEWORK just because of a little mistake!” groaned Iris. And you should jolly well know what that “little mistake” was. Even if you have just started this book on a random page, you would still be aware that you shouldn’t beg your headmaster for a dog in the middle of assembly…

“I know! Spelling is my nightmare subject and Mrs Harrison gave me spelling, and Science is yours and Mr Jones gave you extra science!” complained Charles. By the way, Charles and Iris loved each other very much. Charles refers to a “nightmare subject” meaning it is dreadful in every way. It is hard, boring, you have bad, strict teachers and you just hate it, hate it, HATE IT! However, by the time they got home, Mr and Mrs Biscuit had a surprise for the Biscuitettes (as their parents called them). The children decided to open their present upstairs in Charles’ hideout. It was very heavy.  So heavy in fact that even with the entire Biscuit family they still found it very cumbersome. Which means something is heavy, awkward and difficult to carry.

When they had finally got it upstairs and the adults had left the room, the Biscuitettes (Okay, that nickname is getting annoying) tore open the box like a flash of lightning.

“ARGH!!!! WOWOWOW!” screamed Charles.

“Mama Mia!!” whooped Iris.

“A DOG!” they both shouted together in perfect unison.

“Hello, Master Biscuit,” the DOG (!!!) said sternly.

“Hello Miss Biscuit.”

“Argh!!! A talking dog!” hollered Iris.

The dog was a Pug, with a sharp look in his deep, brown eyes. He was plump with wrinkles around his tiny nose. There was just something about the dog that the Biscuitettes (EEK! sorry about that) didn’t trust…

“My name is Ernest,” he said, solemnly and mysteriously.

The Biscuitettes (ARGGGH!)  were scared and excited at the same time, which if I was a word maker (which isn’t a thing) I would call that feeling scarecited. Well, that’s how they felt.

They decided not to tell Mr and Mrs Biscuit the mind-blowing news about the new addition to the family.  The Biscuitettes (OKAY, new nickname: Bisquirts!) thought their parents would DROP TO THE FLOOR in utter shock… either that or they would simply NOT believe them.

“Now,” said Ernest strictly, “Make my dinner, brush my fur, play games with me, give me a bath, then scratch my back all night. AND NO NO’S!”

The children were FLABBERGHASTED. Not only could he talk, but he was bossy, greedy and selfish.

“O-o-ok,” stammered Charles, in absolute shock.

So, of course the Bisquirts couldn’t argue. They asked their mum for the dog food. Mrs Biscuit showed them a bowl that looked flashy and new. It was pink (Charles’ and Iris’s favourite colour) with silver stripes glinting in the pale spring sun. The food looked very odd indeed. It was called “Mrs Woof’s dog food: Food for your pet at its best”. When Mrs Biscuit opened the blind-bag sized container (for all you adults who may be reading to your child but have never watched YouTube with them, a blind-bag is a small package containing a surprise toy. They’re a waste of money really!) the Bisquirts were in for a surprise. It looked just like cereal fit for royalty! There were golden hearts, silver pawprints and lots of other patterns that a baby would have been really tempted to eat (of course babies put everything in their mouth).

“Wow! Mrs Woof has out-of-the-box ideas!” said Iris getting the food out of the box.

The Bisquirts (OK, annoying) decided not to take too long so that their new demanding family pet wouldn’t get too bossy.  As quick as they could manage without spilling the dog food the children bolted upstairs to feed Ernest.

Chapter three – The bossiest Pug in the Universe!

The problem with rude, bossy people is that they never listen. Iris had got the water, but a small amount had spilled on the way from the sink. Poor Charles tried to explain the problem, but it was no use. Ernest kept insisting, “Get me my water now!” until Iris finally came back. He drank and ate like a ferocious, half-starved monster lurking in the woods, waiting for small children, to gobble them up.

“Next, brush my fur!” he screamed.

Mrs Biscuit gave them the comb. It was an icky-shade of green with squares on the edges. They brushed and brushed and brushed until he looked perfect.

“More, more!” he kept shouting.

Finally, he said “That’s just about good enough. Now time to play games!”

They had a terrible game of tug. He kept biting the Biskids (Whoop! Perfect name) and saying “It was an accident” except it really wasn’t an accident at all.

The poor Biskids didn’t know what to do! How could they cope?!

“You know what’s next! Giving me a bath!” said Ernest loudly.

Oh, the bath! It was the worst! Ernest kept splashing water at the Biskids and screaming out “the water is too cold” and the next moment “the water is too shallow”.  When they added more hot water he would holler “it’s too hot!”  By the time the water was the right temperature the bath had overflowed and the bathroom had flooded.

“Now! Brush my fur all night!” he demanded, whilst the children were trying to mop up the water. The Biskids decided to do shifts. Charles, being a kind older brother, went first. Then Iris, then Charles. Then Iris then Charles. Iris, Charles, Iris, Charles. I think you get the point. By the time morning came, the Biskids’ hands were ON FIRE! Literally! (well, actually not literally, that would be disastrous.) Mrs Biscuit, (who loved nothing more than good exercise) forced them to go on a walk at 8:30am.  She thought Ernest needed some attention, not knowing he had demanded attention all night!

“Go on, eat up! Let’s get going, chop, chop!” said Mrs Biscuit enthusiastically.

The walk was dreadful.  Ernest kept on getting muddy and hissing “I’m too dirty! Why didn’t you clean this place first?” Well, the obvious answer is because the park is not their responsibility. The park is the responsibility of the Park Keeper, whose name is Fred. Fred rather likes the mud and thinks it is good for Megan and Alfie, his children, to play in. Fred’s children and their best friends, the Biskids, like to go out on Saturday mornings to jump in puddles. Fred thinks it is vital that children enjoy playing outside, so he decided to keep all the mud there. There wasn’t always mud on hot days, but there was always a scar of a puddle, and when it rained, it would be fresh and splodgy again. “Shhh!” they whispered to Ernest. “We don’t want Mum to hear you!” Finally, the walk was over. Mrs Biscuit noticed they were walking ahead and had been acting suspiciously for the previous two days. She thought it was time to have a chat with her children.

Chapter four- A talk with the BisKids

Mrs Biscuit called the children into the kitchen when they got home. She sounded quite serious.  “Charles, Iris, I want you both to come downstairs please. We need to talk.” They went down quickly, rather glad to have a break from Ernest. “I am not cross with you, but you are acting very strangely. Can one of you tell me what’s going on please?”

“We.. er.. just wanted to spend time with Ernest,” lied Charles

“Who in the world is Ernest!”?

“Oh. He is ….. our imaginary friend…” muttered Iris unconvincingly.

“Imaginary friend! Oh, for goodness sake tell the truth, will you? Who is Ernest?” insisted Mrs Biscuit.

“I just need to talk with Charles for a minute” replied Iris briskly.

Mrs Biscuit looked suspiciously at the children, then she said. “OK, but come back quickly please”

The children dashed up to their room, where Ernest was snoozing.

“Should we tell her?” whispered Iris, trying not to wake Ernest.

“Yes. I think we should,” replied Charles slowly.

They went downstairs again and said “I know you won’t believe us, but please do.  We’re really not lying, honestly, even though it sounds silly.  Ernest is our dog, and he can talk.”

“Can he really? Well, I need to speak to this “Ernest” and see what he has to say to me.”

The children were PETRIFIED and tried to stop her!

The Biscuitettes (NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not that again!) explained about how Ernest gave them a strict schedule and told her all that had gone wrong.

“I don’t know… if you lied to me, then you can’t see your friends all week!” Mrs Biscuit said, sternly.

Charles slowly led the way upstairs with Iris and Mrs Biscuit close behind. Mrs Biscuit went to do something I should never ever mention in a book. Everyone needs privacy. But while that thing was happening, Charles and Iris were talking.

“Charles, I’m scared. What if Ernest doesn’t talk when Mum is here? He might not want her to know!” exclaimed Iris.

“Me too. Especially since Megan and Alfie are coming to our house for a sleepover tomorrow. It’s our first sleepover! We have been excited about it for weeks!” Charles agreed.

Then Mrs Biscuit came back from doing her business.

It was time.

To the Biskids’ surprise, as soon as she saw Ernest, she said “Ernie, you can be nice to my children now.”

“OK Lori.” (Mrs Biscuit’s name)

“Children, I would like you to meet Ernie.”

Chapter five – The real Ernie

“But, but…” Charles stammered.

“Yes, I know. He was mean to you.”

“You you you didn’t seem to believe us,” exclaimed Iris.

“I told him to be mean to you,” Mrs Biscuit replied.  “I think that you two needed to learn that looking after a dog requires hard work and also to experience how frustrating it is to be nagged constantly. Ernie is a really kind pup; a friend of mine was too old to keep him, so she gave him to me.”

The children could not speak – this didn’t sound like the Ernest they knew.

“My friend only kept him for a few months, so he is still a puppy,” Mrs Biscuit explained.

The dog began to speak again but this time Ernie’s voice was kind and sweet.  “I’m so sorry I was unkind to you Charles and Iris.  I would love to be your friend if you enjoy playing and will look after me.”

“Of course!” Iris cried, “we love to play!”

“We’ll definitely look after you,” added Charles.

Ernie beamed with pleasure.

Mrs Biscuit said “It’s good to see that you all are getting on. Now who would like to go on a nicer walk?”

“Yes please!” shouted Charles, Iris and Ernie together.

“Can we please invite Megan and Alfie?” suggested Charles.

“Of course!” Mrs Biscuit declared. “The more the merrier, and before you ask, you CAN tell them about Ernie’s secret.”

“Please can we splash in the puddles?” asked Ernie. “It rained last night, and I love puddles.”

“So do we!” agreed Charles and Iris.

Chapter six – Memories

In the second year of Ernie’s life, Charles and Iris made some very happy memories. These last two chapters are short but important. In this chapter, I will tell you all the things they did together. Charles and Iris discovered that when you have a dog they join in with everything you do (whether you want them to or not).

In January, they built a snowman together. The Biskids picked up Ernie to let him place the carrot nose.  Ernie enjoyed eating it afterwards!

In February he went to a Dog Show and won first prize for intelligence (not for talking, obviously.) The Biskids taught him so many tricks which is remarkably easy to do when your dog can talk.

In March Ernie, Mr and Mrs Biscuit and Charles worked together to throw Iris a 9th Birthday party. Ernie suggested a fairy theme and was responsible for distracting Iris while the others planned it secretly.

In April he went on his longest walk so far because of all the puddles from the April showers.  They all needed baths after being splashing in the mud.

In May Ernie met Jemima, a talking girl pug, and they fell in love whilst barking at cyclists in the park.

In June he helped throw Charles’s 11th birthday party. Ernie again helped by distracting Charles, this time by playing video games.

In July they all went to Cornwall on holiday. Ernie even tried SURFING! He particularly enjoyed eating sausages from the BBQ afterwards. Not all of them were his.

In August Ernie and Jemima’s puppies were born. Charles and Iris loved them! As I write this, it’s a bit too early to tell if they can talk but Charles and Iris have noticed a few of the puppies show potential.

In September Ernie walked to school every day with the Biskids and loved chasing the falling leaves in the park.

In October Ernie helped Iris to learn her lines for the Year 4 play. It was all about pets, so Ernie had lots to say to Iris on the subject!

November was a quiet month for the Biscuit family.

However, in December they had the best Christmas ever! Ernie even got his own special Christmas dinner and dog cake.

Chapter seven – A letter

I have just finished writing this book and have received a letter. Oh my word, I have gone as white as a sheet. You should probably read it for yourself.

For: Miss L Silver

From: Mr S & Mrs L Biscuit

64 Connor Road

Dear Miss Silver,

We gave you no permission to write about us, our dog and our children. You are lucky. We will allow to you continue to write about us, but please be aware that someone else would have you in court. Just remember to ask first. It seems that you may have a few lessons to learn yourself!

Sorry if we seem a bit strict with you.

Yours, Lori and Simon Biscuit.

There. The end. I hope you enjoyed reading it. There will be another book out soon so make sure to look out for it. If you didn’t enjoy it, that is just unfortunate. But whether you did or didn’t, KEEP READING. It is good for you.


Laura Silver.